In the wake of Tommy B’s induction into the Patriots Hall of Fame this week, I couldn’t help but feel put off by all of the happiness and enthusiasm around here. I’m never one to pass up a little turd in the punchbowlery, so here I am to yuck everyone else’s yum with my countdown of the 10 Worst Patriots Moments of 2023.
We’re into the Top Three, and they’re all doozies.
But first, the list so far:
10. Marcus Jones, Christian Gonzalez, and Matthew Judon are all lost for the season by Week 4.
9. Jakobi Meyers out, Juju Smith-Schuster in.
8. Bailey Zappe closes out the Colts game with an unfathomable pick into triple coverage.
7. Chad Ryland shanks a 35-yard field goal to lose the game against the New York Giants.
6. A Mac Jones safety ends any hope of a comeback against the Las Vegas Raiders.
5. A four-turnover first half ends any hope of a Bills sweep.
4. The Patriots and Bill Belichick decide to part ways.
At Number Three, a wild combination I never thought I’d see.
3. The Patriots get outscored 72-3 over a two-week span.
When the 2023 Patriots schedule dropped and we all saw that their first two opponents were the NFC Champion Philadelphia Eagles followed by the Miami Dolphins, we all told ourselves not to panic if the team started out 0-2. The Eagles and Dolphins were both better teams than the Patriots were in 2023, so losses here wouldn’t be the end of the world.
And although the Patriots did indeed lose the first two games of the season, amazingly, most of us listened to our earlier selves. 0-2 is never good, but at the end of the day New England hung tough with both Philly and Miami, losing by a score or less each game, and both games had situations where if one or two plays had gone differently, they would have been wins. And then the Patriots righted the ship by taking down the Jets on the road to move to 1-2, and all once again seemed right with the world. Things were already unfolding the way a lot of folks thought that they would.
The 1-2 Patriots were set to travel to Dallas in Week 4 to play a Cowboys team that had beaten up on both New York teams, but were coming off a pretty rough loss to the Arizona Cardinals. The Cowboys seemed very beatable, and if the Patriots could take home another road win, they got to head back to Gillette to take on the Saints in another very winnable game. That would get New England to 3-2 as the first quarter of the season came to a close with the chance to start coming into their own come October.
The Patriots traveled to Dallas on the first day of October and lost 38-3 in a game that, sadly, wasn’t even that close. The teams traded field goals on both of their first possessions. then New England wouldn’t score for the rest of the game. Amazingly, the defense only gave up two touchdowns on the day, but Mac Jones threw an abysmal pick-six and he was also strip-sacked for a touchdown as well. The 28-3 lead the Cowboys took into the locker rooms at halftime was a deficit this iteration of the Patriots couldn’t overcome, as the third and fourth quarters were nothing but three-and-outs and turnovers as the Cowboys absolutely cruised to a win. Mac Jones went 12 of 21 for 150 yards with two picks and a fumble lost. New England only put up 53 yards on the ground, and no Patriots receiver cracked more than 51 yards through the air. There was no offense to speak of and the team was thoroughly embarrassed.
As bad as that loss was, 1-3 also wasn’t the end of the world. Not great for sure, but New England was still in it. The AFC was very top-heavy, but after the usual suspects there was a whole slew of teams in a similar boat to the Patriots. That Cowboys game would be a wake-up call for the team; Bill Belichick-led teams always took beatdowns like that Cowboys game and used it as motivation to come out blazing the next week. They’d rally around their young quarterback, figure things out, and get back on track against a very beatable Saints team at home.
The Patriots got on track alright. They got on track, laid down across it, and waited for the freight train to come.
New England got shut out 34-0 at home. Mac Jones decided to almost exactly duplicate his abysmal performance against the Cowboys, this time going 12 of 22 for only 110 yards to go with his two interceptions, which included yet another pick-six. Mondre was the leading rusher on the day, racking up 24 yards on eight carries as the Patriots amassed a total of 45 ground yards. No Patriots receiver caught more than three passes, and a quarter of Mac Jones’s passing yards came on a one 28-yard throw to Kendrick Bourne. New England’s longest drive of the day was five plays, 24 yards, with fifty-eight seconds taken off the clock. They made it as far as the New Orleans 30 yard line once, which resulted in a missed field goal. The Saints dominated the time of possession with a whopping 40/20 ratio. Bailey Zappe would finish the game for the first time that season, but it wouldn’t be the last.
With these two losses, dropping the team to 1-4, all but the most delusional die-hard Patriots fans had no choice but to admit that the 2023 season was over. It wasn’t even sweater season yet, and already any hopes the Patriots had of getting back into the playoffs were gone. All of the excitement, all of the offseason turnover, all of the “Matt Patricia out, Bill O’Brien in” hoopla, vanished into dust. What replaced all of that optimism was another twelve weeks of football for a team that suddenly had massive question marks at almost every level. Was Mac Jones the guy? Is there anyone on this offense who can produce? What’s going on with the coaching staff? Is there any way we can coax Tom Brady out of retirement?
It officially happened later, but this two-week stretch was the beginning of the end of the Patriots being relevant anytime soon. They clearly didn’t have the pieces in place, and their young QB, once so promising, was really struggling. It was a tough pill to swallow, and a very depressing one, and these two games were for sure one of the lowest points of the entire season. In most other years, I’d probably have this as Number One. But New England would go on to outdo themselves as the weeks dragged on, so here it is at Number 3.
If you’re feeling unfathomably masoch*stic this afternoon, you can check out highlights from the Cowboys game here, and from the Saints game here.
